Rules
by InsanityAintOptional
Summary: Just some really funny rules for Hogwarts,which the Twins DEFINETLY didn't listen to..
1. Rules 1 2 3 4

**Hi everybody! This is my edited, re-uploaded version of my story RULES, because I was looking back on it and noticed that the spelling and grammer were pretty atrocious. I'm also adding a demonstration of WHY these rules are in place, (or a demonstration of them being broken,) as a suggestion from a friend of mine, TheifofMagic.**

**Anyhow, on with the story!**

**I mainly got these statuses(sp?)off Facebook status shuffler, so me no own. Anything you recognise does not belong to me. **

_**Hogwarts Rule 1: I will not point to Harry 's Scar and say, "Are your Voldy senses tingling?"**_

"Hey, Harry! Harry!" yelled one of the Weasley Twins the day after returning to Hogwarts. The Twins had spent much of their summer discovering Muggle movies, after having been introduced to them by their Father. They had also come across the Spiderman movies...

"What?" asked Harry, confused.

"Well, Harry, we were wondering-" started Fred.

"If your-" spoke George.

"Voldy senses-"

"Were tingling?"

Harry stared dumbfoundly at them for a moment, then, being familiar with the Spiderman movies, promptly walked over to a nearby wall and started banging his head on it.

\

_**Hogwarts Rule 2: I am not allowed to turn Justin Beiber into a beaver, no matter how much I want to.***_

The Weasley Twins, in turn, had also been learning about Muggle music,(trying to impress a Muggle girl down at a shop in Ottery St. Catchpole) had come across the horrors of Justin Beiber.

_Baby, Baby, baby ohohhh_

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE THESE MUGGLES ON?" screeched Fred after about ten seconds.

"Forge, I think we need to go teach this pansy boy a lesson in Music."

"I couldn't agree more, Gred."

And you can figure out what had happened when the next day, it was reported all over the world that Justin Beiber had gone missing backstage for a concert, and when his dressing room was searched, all that was found was a small, brown, beaver, and somehow the song "Afro Circus" from Madagascar 3  playing on a continuous loop.

_**Hogwarts Rule 3: I will not refer to hanging with the Hufflepuffs as "slumming it."**_

The Weasley Twins walked in late for their eight o'clock detention with Professor McGonagall.

"Weasley and Weasley! Where were you, your dentention started over an hour ago!" exclaimed the Professor.

"We were slumming it, Professor," replied Fred earnestly.

"Mr.'s Weasley, may I ask, exactly where were you _slumming it?_" replied McGonagall dangerously.

"Why, the Hufflepuff common room, of course, dear Minnie!"

_**Hogwarts Rule 4: I will not sing Magic by BOB when I get my wand.**_

_Last summer, Diagon Alley_

Ginny Weasley was just about to get her wand- and she knew exactly what she was going to do the second she got it. I mean, come on folks! She wasn't teh Weasley Twins sister for nothing!  
>They walked into the secondhand wand shop, and Ginny tried out several wands before finding one that would work- Holly, 8.5 inches, and unicorn tail.<p>

Ginny grinned and broke out into the chorus of _MAGIC _by BOB and when she finished, everyone, including the shopkeeper was giving her weird looks. Aside, of course, from her twin brothers.

George wiped a pretend tear from his eye, while Fred put a hand over his heart and sniffed dramatically.

"We've taught you well, little sister. We've taught you well." said George dramatically.

_**AAAAAANNNNDDD CUT!**_

**Author's Note**

*** I'm aware that Justin Beiber wouldn't have been a singer in the Weasley's time, but I really wanted to do this one with the Weasley Twins, so please just pretend.**

**Hmm. I think that turned out fairly well. I know that a lot of this stuff wouldn't be around in when the Weasley's were at Hogwarts, but it just fit them so well. **

**And yes, Ginny has certainly been learning from her brothers :)**

**Please review, and I do appreciate constructive critism! But mindless flames will be used to heat my cauldron on Pottermore.**

**Bye!**


	2. Rules 5 6 7 8

**Hello again, people of the Internet! A new chapter of RULES, right here. Please enjoy!**

_**Hogwarts Rule 5: I will not lock the Gryffindors and the Slytherins in a room together and sell bets on which house will come out alive.**_

"Bets! Cast your lots right here!" yelled Fred Weasley as the Twins stood outside the RoR. They had (although no one knew how exactly) managed to lock the whole of the Gryffindor and Slytherin houses in the Room of Requirement together. Fully armed. With a few booby traps in there to boot. And now, they were selling bets on which house would come out of there with the most members alive/sane.

"Weasley and Weasley! _What__ exactly do you think you are doing_?" drawled Professor Snape dangerously.

Said Weasleys grinned at each other, took out twin Dungbombs, threw them at the Professor, and sprinted down the corridor.

"WEASLEYS!"

_**Hogwarts Rule 6: I will not melt if water is poured over me. Neither (cough*sadly*cough*) will Umbi- er, Umbridge.**_

It was mentioned before that the Weasleys had been discovering Muggle movies. One of the ones they had discovered was "The Wizard of Oz".

"Now," instructed Fred, "all we have to do is wait for the toad to come out. Which she should in five, four, three, two..."

Umbridge walked out of her office, and found herself soaking wet and with a sore head from water falling from a metal pail placed on her door, and then getting hit on the head with said pail as it fell.

A small bit of water splashed onto George in his hiding place; so what if they got detention! This opportunity was too good to miss!

George stood up and wailed,"I'm melting!" and writhed and and fell on to the floor, twitching. He knew that melted puddles of wizard didn't twitch, but so what? Obviously Umbridge, however, had not been cued in to the fact that when one is a witch, one is expected to die by melting into a puddle on the floor after having water thrown on her.

_**Hogwarts Rule 7: Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled 'Firewhisky'.**_

When Professor Sprout walked into her house's common room, one thing she certainly did not expect to see was half of her first years either lying wasted on the floor, or stumbling around drunkinly at three o'clock A.M.

"What in Merlin's pants is going on in here?" she exclaimed.

One of the slightly more sober first years answered her.

"Wull, ya see Professor, we all wanted to be braverer.. Or something... And Weasels sold us some couragous in a bottle.." the young boy slurred, before falling over a black and yellow armchair.

He had pointed to a cluster of empty bottles lying messily on the floor, and Professor Sprout picked one up.

It had a label on it that read,'WEASLEY'S HOMEMADE COURAGE IN A BOTTLE." She peeled back the label and read the single word that had been painted on the bottle:

"Firewhiskey".

"WEASLEYS!"

_**Hogwarts Rule 8: I will not make an "OMGWTF" spell.**_

Now, all the readers here know (hopefully) that the Twins also had been learning about Muggle music. What you dear readers do not know, however,is that the Twins had been discovering it mostly on YouTube at the Ottery St. Catchpole public library.

They had also been looking in the comments, and once they found out about the abbreviations 'OMG' and 'WTF' they decided to do something.

At a DA meeting, the whole class had been working on Sheild charms. All of a sudden, the Weasley Twins, instead of one saying the incantation for a Sheild Charm, yelled at the exact time, 'OMGWTF'! There was a huge 'BANG', and when everyone looked over at the Weasley Twins, they were now sporting fake tans and Snooki wigs with ridicuolusly high high heels.

_**AAAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDD CUT!**_

**Well? How was it? I'm really sorry if there are any inaccurisies (sp?), but if there is, please do not hesitate to let me know, so I can fix it.**

**Please read and review, it only takes about a second!**

**Oh, yeah: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters. It belongs to JK Rowling. Dorothy of Oz belongs to it's author. YouTube belongs to it's creators. And, I repeat, I am none of the above. Bye!**


	3. Rules 912

**Hello (few) people who read this story! My family just got a new computer, which means good and (semi) bad news.**

**Good news: I now will able to go on the computer without it being scarily slow and filled with a virus.**

**Semi-Bad news: I had both this chapter and the next on my old computer, and now I have to retype both these chapters, resulting in getting them out later then I would have prefered.**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing, TheifofMagic!*Gives virtual cookie* Remember, reviewers get FREE (Yes, FREE)virtual cookies! Also, anyone who gets the AVPMS references in the chapter get free(Yes, again FREE) Virtual Red Vines.**

**BYE!**

_**Hogwarts Rule 9: I will not ask what the HELL a Hufflepuff is.**_

"Now, all students 17 years of age from all four houses will be-" started Professor Minerva McGonagall to her House population, but was quickly interrupted by none other than Fred Weasley.

"But, Professor, everybody knows Hogwarts only has three houses," interrupted Fred, acting sincerely confused. A few other students who had been clued into the joke nodded, looking just as confused as Fred.

"Mr. Weasley, I assure you, there is and always has been four Hogwarts Houses; Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff."

Fred pondered this for a moment, and then asked,

"What the _hell _is a Hufflepuff?"

_**Hogwarts Rule 10: I will not refer to Hufflepuffs as 'Jigglypuffs'.**_

"Forge, the Professor is right," admonished George.

Nearly everyone in the room looked shocked at this. A Weasley Twin disagreeing with another and siding with a professor? Now _that _is something you don't see everyday.

"Well, er, thank you, Mr. Weasley. Now, as I was saying-" the Professor tried to continue, still as shocked as everyone else, but was (again) interuppted by George.

"Professor, you didn't let me finish," continued George. "You see, Fred, dear Professor Minnie here was right about there being four Houses. She just screwed up the name a bit, is all. What she obviously _meant _to say was 'Jigglypuff'." Finished George, smiling triumphantly.

A few seconds of stunned silence followed, and then-

"WEASLEYS!"

_**Hogwarts Rule Number 11: I will not use the phrase,'GET A LIFE', when speaking(or writing) to Lord Voldemort.**_

The Weasley Twins had come up with probably their most epic (and most likely to have them murdered in their bed, as Mrs. Weasley would point out,) plan yet. They were working on a letter.

Yes, you read that correctly; their most epic plan yet was a letter.

A letter to whom, you may ask?

A letter to everyone's favorite noseless, bald supervillan. (Voldemort,incase you *coughdumbassescough*were actually wondering. Although, why would you? How many bald, noseless supervillans do you actually see wandering around in this day and age? Dumbasses.)

The final draft went something like this-

_Dear Lord Moldyshorts,_

_Hello from Gred and Forge Weasley. We have recently stumbled on a Muggle phrase that we think befits you perfectly._

_GET. A . LIFE._

_That is all._

_TTFN,_

_Gred and Forge _

_P.S. We enclosed your dance shoes accidentally left with dear Harry-kins. Now you can dance again!_

_TTFN(For real this time.)_

Fred and George sent the letter off with a small invention theywere working on called a Pygmy Puff, who they had named Charlie the Drunk Pygmy Puff.

They recieved Charlie's body, spray painted with the Dark Mark, a few hours later on their doorstep.

_**Hogwarts Rule Number 12: I will not hold a funeral for a pet Pygmy Puff.**_

"WHY? WHY, CHARLIE!" cried Fred as he held the small body of the pygmy puff in his arms, tears running down his face mingling with the downpour that had suddnely( and quite randomly, as it had been 80 degrees and sunny out only moments before) started.*

Both Weasleys went inside with Charlie, and after wrapping him in a set of their dreaded dress robes and putting him in a shoe box, changed into their Hogwarts robes(minus the Gryffindor cheery stuff,) made all their siblings(and Harry) do so too, and held a funeral for the dear deceased.

"We are gathered here today to mourn Charlie the Drunk Pygmy Puff, who was brutally murdered earlier today by Lord Moldyfarts. Charlie lead a long and full life, a whopping two days. He made friends, lovers, and enemies. But mostly enemies. Anyway, he will be missed a lot. We now have George Weasley up here to say a few-" Fred stopped his spiel after having a soemthing whispered in his ear by George.

"Whoops! Heh heh, didn't see that one coming.." Fred muttered to himself.

"Attention everyone! We have great news! Charlie is not dead, and only Stunned and posssibly mentally scarred. Goodbye!" He hopped of his podium like thingy and picked up Charlie to go and have him Ennervated.

A few seconds of silence, and then-

"WEASLEY!(TWINS!)"

**AAAAANNNDDD CUT!  
>Hm... That one didn't turn out as well as I had hoped, but whatever. ANyways, sadly I am starting to run out of ideas and will be taking requests!<strong>

***Is it just me, or does in every dramatic/romantic movie, when someone dies/is gravely injured/presumed dead, the main hero dude starts crying and as soon as he does, it starts pouring just so he can look somewhat like a manly man?**

**Maybe it's just me... \**

**ANYWAY, Happy Belated Canada Day to all you Canucks out there, and happy early Fourth of July to mall you redneck adn not so redneck Americans out there!  
>I do not own in any way, shape or form Harry Potter. It belongs to the great JK Rowling. I also do not own anything from A Very Potter MusicalSequel, all of that belongs to Starkid. The basis for Charlie the Drunk Pygmy Puff came from Charlie the Drunk Guinea Pig, owned by Anthony Padilla and Ian Hecox of Smosh. Buh- Bye!**


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